my life, my love

Monday, July 28, 2008

Just came back from Fel's house.
Decided to blog before I go to sleep.

Firstly,about today.
Usual lessons.
Clarence have a new hair cut!
LOL.My classmates some say he look like Astroboy some say he look like Baby Milo.

Today had class photo taking. (:

After school met Fel and Glenn @ Wisma.
Went to collect her phone & went to Lido to buy birthday present for her sister.
Her sister still look the same.
& she remembered me after so long.
I guess I am super easy to recognise.
Because I am fat.

Talking about this,my sense of inferiority is really getting into me.
I am really getting more & more depressed nowadays.
Everything seemed to make me sad.

The only time I smiled is probably in class when my class say some funny stuff.
& when I am with my secondary school friends,Fel Tracy & HuiYi.

Pretending to smile is very tedious.
I get so upset about certain things.
That I decide to just keep it inside me.
I pretend I dont care.
But actually I do.

I feel very sorry that I isolated myself from the class.
If there is another class outing & if I am available,I shall go.

I think I sort of misunderstood my class.
Once after maths lecture,they were saying something bad about someone.
& suddenly some one said that the person that they were talking about is just in front.
They said it very loud.& because I was standing behind them,I thought they said it loud for me to hear.In the sense,like irony.
& I thought that the person they were talking about is me.
Although,I don't know what is the truth.
Therefore,I keep thinking that my class hate me.

Alot of gestures make me feel as if I am "unwanted"by the class.
For instance,no one asked whether what am I going to wear for Racial Harmony.
I always think myself as a pest to them.
I isolate myself because I feel inferior.
My class girls are so pretty,capable and smart.
& I am just a fat ugly stupid pig.
I am good at nothing at all.

I tried hard to study.However,it does not reflect upon my results.

Don't think I will be going Prom Night this year.
I dont have the figure to wear nice prom dresses.
& my classmates are all so beautiful.
Me standing beside them just make a picturesque ugly.

Shall change topic,before I start crying and self reproached.

Did a literature comparison today.
Played Stacko with Fel Glenn Lester & his youngest sister.
Really missed those times.
I need to reclaim the past memories & make it happen again.

Make it MINE.

lol.I trying to put some literary effect from Atwood's Handmaid's Tale into my post,trying to create some sort of atmosphere,but failed apparently.

Remember the phrase"I called it mine."LOL.

Shall go sleep now.
Good night everyone!!Ciao!<3

11:40 PM